How to Deal with People to Get What You Want
People communicate with each other in various ways for a lot of reasons. And one of these reasons is when you need something from someone. For people in business, this can either be in the form of products or services. You may want to sell a product while the other party must find your product useful for his intention. You may want to offer your services while the other party must be satisfied with the services you render according to his needs. In short, the way to get somebody or anybody to do what you want is to make them want to do it.
To get something you want through intimidation or violence is to invite trouble. Yes, it’s possible but not advisable to use forceful methods because the results are undesirable and at times disastrous. Imagine if you force an employee to take a leave of absence for having apparently violated a company rule. The relationship between management and the employee, or perhaps between management and union (if the employee is a member of it), is likely to be severed.
To get what you want, give people what they want. Just what do people want? Physical health, family ties, financial security, spiritual growth, peace of mind, a successful career, and fame are the basic needs of people. There is one important yet intangible thing everybody wants and that is appreciation. Being appreciated and complimented makes a person feel important. When you feel important, you feel needed and wanted, and this gives you a whole lot of reason for existence.
Just how do you give somebody the feeling of importance? Say it, act it; just give it freely, honestly, and wholeheartedly. As literal as it is, saying how appreciative you are for a favor received, makes the other person feel important. You may not be able to describe exactly in words the feeling of importance when you’re in the shoes of the recipient. But definitely, what you can not describe is real and priceless.
Pre-empt importance. Give some sort of sign to the other person that what you want from him, will make him feel important. Let’s take charity for example. A recipient wants or needs contributions from the giver. It can either be material or service contribution, or both. Even before the act itself, the giver somehow expects appreciation from the recipient and this will give him a boost of importance. Appreciation may not necessarily be in words. A smile and/or a pat would suffice and they can come from both giver and recipient. The giver shows his feeling of being appreciated. The recipient shows his feeling of appreciation for the gift. Somehow magic or chemistry takes place. It’s a feeling both parties would enjoy happening many times over.
Are you aware that the feeling of importance, brought about by compliments and appreciation, is good for your health, mentally and physically? Whether you are the giver or recipient, it is good for both. There are medical findings that substantiate health effects brought about by positive emotions like compliments and appreciation. Frequent doses of the feeling of importance activate the brain cells and various harmonies in the body that promote good health. To put it plainly, the feeling of importance is the antioxidant of life.
Can you think of a better way to nourish other people’s feelings than to show your concern and appreciation? Well, you can show something better than appreciation, and that is - a truckload of appreciation.
You know what you and I and everybody else should be doing right now? We should go out there and show our feeling of appreciation to everything and everybody. Let’s go!
Can you remember your childhood days? During those times, nothing yet seemed complicated – all we had to think about were crayons, cookies, or Santa Claus. We didn’t care about the things we didn’t know because we were just too oblivious of the things that might bother us.
But as we grow older, we get anxious with the things that surround us – life and death, loving and parting, success and failure, to name a few. We find that almost everyday, we are obliged to be concerned about people or events.
Nevertheless, always keep this in mind: Don’t take things as if they are responsible for the way you feel. Events or situations do not trouble you. How you look at them does.
If you miss those carefree days, you just have to look back at how you used to view things then, and you will know what to do now.
Here’s a guide to make sure you won’t lose your way:
Cherish the simple things: Trust in the power of a smile or laughter, a kiss or a hug. Believe in kindness, honesty, dreams, and imagination. Living positively is the first step to becoming happy.
Loosen up. Laugh at your mistakes. You might remember the time when you were delivering your speech and your mind went completely blank right in the middle of delivering it. It’s embarrassing. But most likely, your audience will forget about it in a day or two. We all mess up occasionally. The good thing is that people tend to forget such situations.
Surround yourself with what you love. Get a pet. Retain film moments as keepsakes. Keep away from those that drag you down. If that high-paying job makes you sulk at the thought of having to go to work, find a job you like first before quitting. If some people force you to comply even if you think of doing otherwise, stay away from their company.
Don’t put off. Go on that trip. Take your Master’s. You’ll never know the extent of your life. Do something, while you can.
Don’t push yourself too hard trying to please everyone. You just can’t. And it never seems to be worth it anyway. When you want to make somebody’s day, start with your loved ones.
Keep fit. Be that attractive person you always picture yourself to be. Cherish your health. It’s the best way of showing you are putting your best face forward.
Do not assume. Don’t fret about forgetting your speech before you actually do it. Don’t worry about not getting the job you want because you might mess up at the interview. It’s good to expect the worst; but don’t end up expecting only the worst.
Alter your way of thinking. When you’re being ridiculed, criticized about your family background, or condemned for past mistakes, put on deaf ears. Don’t believe everything you hear. You know yourself better than everybody else does. Never wallow in self-pity.
Remember: Don’t get upset over things just because it’s how most people would react when faced with the same situation. When you find yourself being negative – angry, down, jealous, etc. – you also unknowingly drain your energy and enthusiasm. You just have to try keeping these negative feelings in the low, because giving in to these emotions would sometimes make you unreasonable, and you might end up making bad decisions.
Happiness is always in your grasp. You can attain it, as long as you know how.
Can you still recall the cartoon series featuring Wily Coyote and the Roadrunner?
“Fast” brings back the image of the Roadrunner zooming past the obstacles laid out by Wily Coyote.
Speed may allow you to arrive at your intended destination; but along the way, were you able to take note of the things that you may have missed while speeding along the fast lane? As in driving, zooming in fast does not give enough opportunity to see and enjoy the view. The same can be said about learning.
Much of what you learn can be acquired through reading. The simple activity of getting in a comfortable position and start reading a book of your choice opens a new world for you. Reading enables you to tap into the minds of great people.
The more you read, the more you know. In the hope of reading more books, some attempt fast track reading. It is believed that the faster you read, the more you cover.
Fast track reading may involve reading by phrases and concepts compared with the word-for-word method. Fast track reading enables you to cover more pages with the same rate. However, one limitation of this method of learning is that you tend to remember only a small portion of the main idea. There is danger that you might miss the important details in the book.
There is a solution for this. Few people are aware of this seldom-talked about technique in fast learning. This is based on the principle that the mind thinks in pictures.
Learning is accelerated when you “see” the whole idea of the write-up or book. Seeing “live pictures” of ideas and thoughts of the writer makes reading experiential and unforgettable. When you see nothing while reading, you learn nothing. Fast reading becomes useless.
This technique is called visualization. Visualization is vital to quick learning. Visualization in reading is like constructing a jigsaw puzzle where pieces are put together to form the whole picture. The whole thing not only “appears,” but actually “comes alive” before you. All of these happen in the realm of the mind.
Just going through the motions of fast reading can give you a hazy picture of the subject matter. But like a mist, this picture often quickly evaporates into thin air. Fast reading without visual pictures often informs but very seldom impresses.
Impressions last while information changes with time. Past information is easily forgotten in favor of new ones. Impressions change you, and these are stored permanently in the mind.
For learning to become effective, it requires brief pauses to be able to visualize and reflect. Effective learning is not about how fast you can finish reading a book. It is more on how you effectively comprehend the ideas brought forth by the writer.
Visual pictures provide lasting impressions. Go after ideas and how it will enrich people’s existence. Go for lasting impressions and insights that will mold you into better individuals.
In the past, lovers used to send each other love letters that, despite obstacles and distance, kept their relationship vivant. This way, the long waiting period till they could see each other again seemed bearable.
Today, the internet became a new messenger for the lonely ones, the ones searching for a relationship or persons that want to communicate with off-shares friends or lovers and family.
Aside words, in a face to face encounter partners exchange gestures, looks, caresses, inviting each other to go on. The look in her eyes can encourage you; his smile can show you how happy he is to be in your company.
Distance relationships don’t give you the advantage of seeing the gestures and reactions of the other person. You are never quite certain that your message will be appreciated. There are many factors that influent the chances to receive an answer that can live up to expectations. Despite this reality, you must use wisely the minimum of control you hold.
When sending that email, you must create an adequate atmosphere by choosing an appealing subject for your email. Write something like “For your eyes only” or “To read when you need me”.
You must always state clearly your desires and be much more forward online than in real life. If you are not, the other person might think you have forgotten everything you had.
Creating a romantic atmosphere over the internet can be tricky, but if you both want it, it can be done. All you have to do is help each other. If you are trying to understand the other person’s reaction, just test them. Send emails that use a personal tone, full of big words and somehow try to set them in an imaginary romantic and ideal world. Some world you can now refer to as your world, a world that might appeal to your interlocutor.
If you have an email describing events from your friends life, pay attention to them. Try to show you really read the email by referring to each and every moment described in a different sentence. Have opinions and give advice.
When romantically corresponding, you must rise above your real experiences. If In real life you are shy, here you are not allowed to. Just relax and create a romantic atmosphere in your room and the right words will appear themselves.
What have you been reading lately?
When was the last time you read a book?
Are you a wide reader?
In a gathering, you can tell who the wide readers are. Wide readers think and speak well. They win the admiration, respect, and good opinion of others.
Reading expands the mind. In fact, many people consider it as one of the satisfying pleasures of humans, for it involves physical as well as mental activities.
Reading is primarily a mental activity. After all, you read with your mind and use your imagination to paint the setting of the detective thriller you are reading. You use you mind to imagine the pain that the main character experiences as the story unfolds. You bring into play the different arguments and ideas brought up by the author in that self-help book you are holding.
To read effectively, reading helps you develop a wide vocabulary through extensive reading. A skillful reader has a wide recognition vocabulary. He may not know exactly what every word means, but he will have a good general idea of the meaning of the sentence.
Reading makes you alert and curious about new words. Other readers develop the dictionary habit. Every time they come across a strange word, they try to figure out what it can possibly mean by the context. If they cannot do this, they refer to the dictionary.
Likewise, reading develops intellectual curiosity by exposing you to a variety of materials. You learn to read by reading books of increasing difficulty and variety. As in other forms of activity, you learn by actually doing.
Reading trains you to have an active and open mind. Merely grasping the writer’s idea is not enough. You must make a positive response to what you read. Be an active, not a passive, reader. Develop the habit of drawing your own conclusions, the habit of active thinking, of agreeing or disagreeing with the author. Keep your mind open; understand and weigh the ideas that you read. A practical part of active reading is the drawing of conclusions.
Allow me to share four basic rules for effective reading and better comprehension:
1) Try to read more and more. Remember the saying that practice makes perfect. Practicing in the correct way makes perfect.
2) Develop the habit of reading for main ideas. Look for the subject and predicate. Do not waste time on details or little words.
3) Learn to read with focus and concentration. Think of what you are reading. Do not let your attention wander somewhere else. Good readers read with understanding.
4) Learn to budget your time. Experiment with your reading time. Try purposely to read faster. Give yourself a time limit on specific material that you read.
Reading is a stimulating mental activity. It expands your reality and capability. You have so much to gain in discovering the joys of reading. Go ahead; grab a book right now!
The Blarney Stone is a historical stone, or actually part of the Blarney Castle in Ireland where it was believed that kissing the stone can grant you the gift of gab. Yeah, it seems strange in this day and age, but who are we to question tradition? It's not like I'm saying that Santa Claus doesn't exist (OOPS!).
There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can go though watching talk shows; radio programs; clubs dedicated to public speaking; ordinary conversations; certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it's your mouth that's doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communication is to know the very person closest to you: yourself.
1. What you know.
Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you've learned. My stint as guest at every Toastmasters' meeting I go to taught me that we all have our limitations, but that doesn't mean we can't learn to keep up and share what we know.
2. Listening.
It's just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.
3. Humility
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don't be afraid to ask if you're saying the right word properly and if they're unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it'll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.
4. Eye Contact
There's a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It's important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.
5. Kidding around
A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension, or worse boredom when making your speech. That way, you'll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they'll feel that you're just as approachable, and as human to those who listen.
6. Be like the rest of them
Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You'll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.
7. Me, Myself, and I
Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you're at it you can spruce up as well.
8. With a smile
A smile says it all much like eye contact. There's no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it's a wake. You can better express what you're saying when you smile.
9. A Role Model
There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they're at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.
10. Preparation
Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while other resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.
And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in edgewise, but I've learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.
